Catching up..

In a number of ways, I need to catch up. I need to write here what I've been up to. I need to complete some unfinished work (for the scholarship I received, for the blog, for life in general). I need to talk to old friends. I need to reconnect with myself, my dreams, my hopes, my inner thoughts.

So, this is going to be a short entry just to let everyone (if there is anyone at all) know that I am still thinking about the blog and processing ideas for it.

Adjusting to life back here has been difficult in a lot of unrecognizable ways. I didn't expect to be frustrated with somethings. I didn't expect to be happy about others. Sometimes, I feel like nothing has changed at all and sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy trying to put two very different worlds and experiences together.

I miss Turkish tea. I miss my host family. I miss trying to get one sentence out about my day in another language without stumbling over the verb conjugation. I miss learning new things and rejoicing in a new level of understanding. I miss smelling new foods on the street and being confused by some new social norm. I miss seeing headscarves all around me (although, luckily, I am still in school and there's a large international and Muslim student body here).

At the same time, I am happy to have my own family close by. I am happy to have Dr. Pepper. I am happy to have prepackaged foods and my own level of salt in my meals. I am happy that I can express myself clearly and easily whenever I want. I am happy that I do not have to stumble to ask for help. I am happy that I can eat plain old cereal for breakfast and that my yogurt is sweet and flavored like fruits. I am happy I don't have to worry about the legality of a headscarf. I am happy that I can meet new people and not be that "new, foreign girl."

It's a weird mixture of missing and happiness. As the time passes, it's even harder to remember exactly what the air smelled like or what it feels like to be surrounded by a language you don't fully comprehend. It's growing fainter, like a dream.

But, I'm trying to hold on to it!

I am taking a Turkish class at my university (they FINALLY are offering it!) and also a class about minorities in Turkey - taught by an AMAZING Turkish student with several other Turks in attendance. I will have a few things to say regarding both of these classes in the next posts.

Well, for now, I will leave it at this. I miss Turkey immensely. Some of the students from my group already have plans to go back. I wish very, very deeply that I could, but I'm going to be responsible and work to pay back some of my student loans. I miss it a lot. And, because I both love, hate, miss, and wish good riddance to it, I know I am inextricably and forever tied to the place.

I will have more to say about Turkey. Don't worry. It's coming.

Just wait.

:)